Never Fully Relaxed? The Quiet Hum Running Underneath Everything

Walking into a room, already rehearsing what to say. Replaying it afterwards, wondering if a comment landed wrong, or if they like you.

Sound familiar?

Maybe it's a client meeting. A new group of people. Doesn't matter where, the feeling is the same. That low hum of 'do they like me' 'do they think I am good at this' running underneath everything you do every single day.

Here's the thing. It's not vanity. It's wiring.

For most of human history, being cast out of the group was dangerous. So our brains learned to keep score- am I liked, am I safe, am I in?

But that survival instinct has a cost.

We shrink our opinions to avoid friction. Say yes when we mean no. Perform a slightly smaller, safer version of ourselves, then wonder why we feel disconnected from who we actually are.

Trying to be liked rarely makes you more likeable. It just makes you less 'you'.

Think about the people who naturally draw others in. They're rarely the ones trying hardest. They're the ones comfortable in their own skin, opinions intact, no audition required. That's magnetic precisely because it's rare.

So how do you care less about being liked and more about liking yourself?

Catch it. Notice the moment you agree with something you don't believe, or soften an opinion to make it easier to swallow. Don't fix it yet. Just notice.

Ask whose approval you're really chasing. Often it's not even the person in front of you — it's an old voice. A parent. A critic from years ago. Once you see that, it loosens its grip.

Get clear on your own values. Hard to be swayed by other people's opinions when you already know what you think. Then their views stop feeling like verdicts and start feeling like just that - opinions.

Let yourself be disliked. Not everyone will like you, whatever you do. Making peace with that is where the freedom starts. Being disliked by someone whose values don't match yours isn't failure, sometimes it's proof you're being honest.

And underneath all of it, get to know yourself. What do you actually enjoy? Believe? Want to stand for? The better you know that, the less you need anyone else to define it for you.

This isn't about caring less about people. Connection still matters. Kindness still matters.

It's about where you build your sense of worth from. From the inside, not from the room's reaction to you.

Because when you genuinely like who you are, other people's approval becomes a nice bonus, not a daily requirement.

That's a much lighter way to walk into any room.

As always, if this is something you feel you need to explore.... I am always here for a chat.

www.merindasmentoringservices.co.uk